My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
