He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
