The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
