I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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