i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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