i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
