i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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