just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
