you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
