If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
