that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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