We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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