Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
