He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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