One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
