i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize