I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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