And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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