i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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