So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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