There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
