Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
