dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
