update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
