I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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