She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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