On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
