hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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