Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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