did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
