I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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