So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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