when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
