Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
