we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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