Whod you bang
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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