So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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