I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
