I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
