Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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