margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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