I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
