I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
