My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
