Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize