An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize