Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
