Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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