Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
