dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
