haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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