I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
