Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
