So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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