are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
