Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
