I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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