Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
