Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This baby is an asshole
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There are leaves in my underwear?
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