Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
