I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
