just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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