His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
