Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
