Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
