I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
