I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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