dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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