called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize