Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
