I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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