Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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