I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
