I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
