I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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