So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
