I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
