I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
