i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
