Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
