i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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