Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
