The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
